“Harry, can we talk about pronouns for minute?” I asked my 31-year-old millennial kid recently.
“Is this your annual check-in, Mom?”
I smiled. “Well, yes, I guess it is.”
I know using someone’s correct pronouns shows respect. So, I wanted to stay on top of Harry’s pronoun usage.
I first asked Harry about gender pronouns eight years ago. At that time, Harry was listed on Facebook as my daughter, with she/her pronouns. Soon after, Facebook added the gender-neutral pronoun “they.” And Harry simply became my child. The term nonbinary didn’t exist in relation to gender in 2013. But Harry hadn’t fit inside the box of specifically “he” or specifically “she” since toddlerhood. Harry chose “they” on Facebook because it was the only gender-neutral option at the time.
Nowadays, friends, family, and clients interchange all pronouns when referring to Harry. And I do the same. But a recent bio blurb Harry wrote used only “they.”
“Should I be using only “they” for you exclusively?”
“Mom, I just don’t care,” Harry told me, as they have many times. “How people refer to me has no bearing on how I feel about myself.”
But let me assure you that a lot of people do care. Their personal pronouns are just that – personal. They align with our gender identity. Using a person’s correct pronouns shows respect. Misgendering someone by using incorrect pronouns is a sign of disrespect.
Who Doesn’t Want to Be Respected?
If you think using correct pronouns doesn’t apply to you, please think again.
- Generation Z, those aged 18-24, will soon surpass millennials in the workforce. And one in six Gen Zers knows someone who uses they/them pronouns.
- Two percent of the world’s population has red hair. At least two percent is transgender, nonbinary or gender nonconforming.
So, if any of your colleagues, friends or family members have red hair, statistically speaking, chances are you already know someone who’s transgender or nonbinary, whether they’ve shared that with you or not. And surely you know someone 18-24. Don’t they deserve your respect?
Make safe spaces.
Maybe you’re confused or unsure about using gender-neutral pronouns. Maybe the whole subject intimidates you. I understand. I’ve been there. But all it takes is a little effort and practice. Share your pronouns with others in introductions. Include your pronouns to your email sign-off. Or add your pronouns next to your name in a virtual meeting. Because when you do you are making space for everyone to be themselves.
Every person’s gender is always valid. Even if you don’t understand it. In other words, using a person’s correct pronouns shows respect. Today, on International Pronouns Day and every day.
“On International Pronouns Day, ‘they’ is here to stay!”
“They/they pronouns have come between my child and me.”
“Video Vriday: Bullying Prevention Month and gender-neutral pronouns redux.”
I continue to learn from you and grow!!! You are the BEST!!!!!!!
You’re such a peach, Jim. And I learn from you every time we have one of our talks about LGBTQ+ inclusivity in the workplace. Thanks for inspiring me. <3 Julie xo
I’ve missed these. Have you not been writing, or was I just not receiving them? Great post as always.
Thanks, Renee! You’re right, I haven’t been writing as many blog posts lately. I’ve got a couple of other writing projects in the works, but time to step it up, I think. J xox
It’s a pleasure being your cousin. The changing environment has been enhanced by your amazing participation. Pronouns are tough to interchange but we’ll get used to it. Instead of “what’s in a name?” it’s “what’s in a pronoun?”
You’re right, dear cuz. With a little effort and practice we can adjust. 🙂 xo
Julie I applaud you and your In-heels off-spring. I wasn’t sure how to word that I know I found out I loved dressing girly when my older teenage sister and her friend offered to include me in their afternoon dress-up on rainy Saturday afternoon. It was a life changing experience and I’m glad they offered now. This was in the 60’s so nobody said a word except how cute I looked. For my part I got so excited I hyperventilated and ended up wetting myself. My sister was so sweet though. I thought she might be mad cause I had soiled her garments, instead she gave me a hug and said that’s okay honey all us girls wet ourselves when we get excited. We all laughed and they gave me a fresh set of garments to wear. Later that year she moved out on her own prior to her marriage when she left she gave me two pair of her panties and said now you can be girly anytime you want honey and she kissed me softly.
Hi Stephen, Thanks so much for sharing your story! How lucky you were to have such an open, fun and loving older sister. 🙂 And I can imagine how wonderful you felt wearing clothes that you loved. Fortunately, much has changed since the 1960s, when society’s established and restrictive rules dictated clothing. But the change has come slowly… I didn’t allow my child wear their dress-up box clothes to elementary school in the ’90s, for fear they’d be ridiculed by other kids. But they were teased anyway, just for wearing colorful tie-dye and their hair long. Today, I’d say wear whatever you want! Because as I’ve learned, there is no such thing as “boy clothes” or “girl clothes.” Toys and colors have no gender either. There’s only what you like and what makes you feel good! There’s so much power in expressing your best self with whatever makes you happy. Sending much love and sisterly hugs to you. Julie xo
I guess I need to buy the book. My memory is short and I retain it when I do. I notices you never published my last comments. I suppose because it
discussed discussed a more serial nature of my situation. Everybody is afraid to open their mouth these days