I opened the email confirmation my kid Harry sent me for her* upcoming flight to Toronto and smiled. The ticket had been issued to “Sister” Harry James. I immediately flashed on Harry and her neighborhood bestie Erica dressed up as nuns for Halloween 2002.
I was surprised Harry hadn’t chosen the name prefix “Mx” from Air Canada’s list of options. (Mx is the gender-neutral equivalent of “Mr” or “Ms” and the obvious option for nonbinary people, like Harry.) For fun, when booking travel for the two of us in the past, I’ve chosen the title Doctor or Rabbi for Harry. So I thought she was just playing along. But I soon realized it was I who had overlooked the obvious.
A few days after sending me her passenger info, Harry took me to see the monthly sell-out drag show, “Nightgowns,” curated, produced and hosted by Sasha Velour, winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9. In addition to her recent celebrity as American’s Drag Superstar, Sasha is also creative director of Velour: The Drag Magazine and a notable queer Brooklyn-based artist. Let me just say this about Sasha and me: She is a remarkable human being, and I am a huge fan.
It was at “Nightgowns,” in an onstage introductory convo between Sasha Velour and her co-host Olive d’Nightlife, that I came to understand what I thought might be the true meaning of “Sister Harry.”
Cocktails in hand, Olive raised her glass to celebrate the beautiful third edition of Velour. “And now we must toast to the theme of this magazine,” she said. “Sisters and sisterhoods, those that you’re born into and those that we get to create.”
“Especially the ones we get to create using our fabulous queer sensibilities,” Sasha replied. “To all of our families that nourish us and create us.”
I felt a tingling run from my scalp to my fingertips. And as the audience whooped and applauded, I was filled by the love in that space. I turned for a second to pat Harry’s arm. I knew in that moment that my kid was part of a big and powerful community, a family that would always be there for her even when her born-into family wasn’t close by. I understood Harry referring to her drag artist friends Charlene and Lucy, among others, as sisters. And I felt I knew Sister Harry a little bit better, too.
Lastly, Sasha and Olive toasted to drag, to all the kinds of drag. And according to Sasha, the more different the types of drag the better. She gave props to drag kings, drag queens, trans performers, non-binary artists, lady queens, and trans lady queens. Then she challenged us to think of other kinds of drag. “The future of drag is not complete without all of us,” she said. “We will not rest until drag beauty is everywhere.”
Inspired by the sisterhood of drag performers, I couldn’t wait to devour every page of Velour #3. When I’d finished, the magazine was filled with dozens of pastel-colored sticky tabs marking passages that had taught me something new or made me think hard about what it means to be a creative person with “fabulous queer sensibilities” and identify as a drag sister.
In the editor’s letter, co-written by Sasha and Olive, Sasha describes drag as a showcase for how beautiful, glamorous, funny and emotional it can be to live free from strict gender roles, or binaries. My eyes brimmed reading that, because I had witnessed that same beauty, humor and joy in Harry as a toddler. Whether dancing in a bridal gown she’d created with a roll of toilet paper at age 2, twirling a tulle skirt in the kindergarten drama corner, or layering pieces from her own dress-up box, my little drag-queen-in-the-making’s heart was filled with pure joy – the joy that I have since come to recognize as the purpose of life. That innate happiness is effortless for children who are given the freedom to express their inner selves fully and openly. And I know that joy can be tapped at any age.
Reading the “Sister” issue of Velour magazine confirmed what I already knew to be true: drag queens are insightful and intuitive uplifters. They represent the creative spirit in all of us to project our creativity and inner beauty outward, for all to enjoy.
I’m grateful that Sister Harry – and her drag persona Sister Amber Alert – have their close-knit drag sisterhood. I know they are cared for, protected and safe within that big, fun family.
If you’re the parent or family member of an up-and-coming young drag queen, someone possibly still in kindergarten or middle school, please know that your child has a sisterhood of love and support waiting that will never let them down.
*Note: Harry told me recently that I can use any pronoun I want when referring to him. “Mom, I just don’t care!” So I often use he/him/his and she/her/hers interchangeably. Because this post is about sisterhood, I’ve chosen “she/her/hers.”
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“My son’s first drag idol was a cross-dressing rabbit.”
This just just beautiful!!! =)
Thank you, Patti. ❤️
So we have a nun in the family. That is quite shocking considering our religious background. Perhaps her name is Sister Amber A. Needleman.
I haven’t seen the MX yet but soon enough and the trick is for all to accept it and let people be who they are. A further comment needs to roll out of me. Amber and all the others who do drag are brave and they express who they are. Who is braver than a trangender person? Think of what they have endured to be who they are and that bravery will be snuffed out of those serving us in the military. Shame!
Oh, yes, Rickshala, Sister Amber is livin’ large! And what you say about the bravery of transgender people rings true around the globe. I’m glad to be working with you and so many others to make the world a better and safer place for them. Jxo
This community deserves all of our support, love and respect. Especially when all they are doing is expressing who they are and spreading humor, love and joy while doing it. Is Velour’s show going on the road?
You’re such a wonderful ally, Kat! I think Sasha’s on a world tour right now as winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race S9. Last I heard, she was headed for Australia. Not sure if Milwaukee is on the schedule. 🙂 Jxo
Though it is true I enjoy your writing style, I don’t agree with your main point of view about this one. I do delight in your website nevertheless.
Thanks for your comment, Smith. Please feel free to share your POV anytime. I’m always interested in the perspective of others. Julie xo